How to Read A Person Like A Book

Bear brought this book home for me to review and boy am I glad she did. The rear cover of this marvel from 1971 states:

"This illustrated, no-nonsense manual shows you how to spot the hidden social, sexual, and emotional meanings behind the gestures of people you know- or would like to know better- by learning to read the language that everyone uses but nobody speaks."

The book itself is broken into categories of non-verbal behavior such as defensiveness, openness, frustration, and so on. To make things even better, each sections contains quotes from famous authors and neat illustrations like the one above of a Republican Senator at a public urinal.

I think the only problem is that some of the pictures contain people gesturing, but the illustrations simply don't contain enough context to really get the gist of what's going on. Fortunately, I once took and received an A in a community college non-verbal communication course, so let me help you decipher these gestures.

beard

The blonde is hotter, but I
bet the red head really grinds...

honesty

My nipples are erect, so you know
I'm telling the truth

What's she gonna do, tell her supervisor?
I am her supervisor.

Hey ladies, what has a bitchin' hat
and hides in your bushes at night?

I wonder when they'll figure out
I have a time machine...

I can't believe I've stuck my finger
in my eye, again.

Act natural, no one else knows you crapped your pants.
Why did this have to happen at work?

The book, of course, has other illustrations, but I found that these were the most informative. Oh, and just in case you men are wondering, this is what the book says a woman looks like if she's interested in you:

According to the authors, if you get this look from a woman, you're supposed to respond with a preening gesture...

Thanks for tagging along and don't forget to check back soon.

July 02, 2009