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Halloween Extravaganza 2006
Miniature Pumpkin Carving
Bear and I were in the grocery store the other day when I noticed that they had miniature pumpkins. They packaged in bags of three and they were really cheap. I told Bear, "I'm gonna buy me some miniature pumpkins and carve them. Then I'll do an article on it for Onepagewonder." Bear just looked at me
and said "you can't carve miniature pumpkins, they're too small. How do you think you're going to do that?"
"With a miniature knife," I said. Bear didn't look convinced and kept nay saying. That's how I knew it was a good idea. Her incredulous looks are my green light. So I selected a bag of miniature pumpkins, purchased them, and brought them home to carve.
The first step was selecting the right pumpkin. Since this was my first attempt at carving a miniature pumpkin, I opted for the largest of the three. Then I got my miniature knife and set about deciding what I should carve. Michelangelo once commented that the act of sculpting was nothing more than removing the
pieces of stone that didn't belong. Pumpkins are kind of the same way. Every pumpkin is unique. Some are round, some are oblong, and some are just flat out deformed. But regardless of what it looks like, it already has the design imprinted on it. You just have to remove the pumpkin pieces that don't belong.
Some pumpkins say Madonna and Child while others demand horrifying imagery. I looked long and hard at this one and it said "classic jack-o-lantern with triangle eyes, nose and a messed up smile." Once a pumpkin reveals its secret to you, you can't say no.
Once I figured out what to carve the pumpkin into, I began the unpleasant task of cleaning the pumpkin. Using my tiny knife, I pierced the pumpkin's flesh and carved a ring around the stem. I removed the stem only to reveal an orgy of pumpkin entrails. I've carved a lot of pumpkins and have never gotten used to it. I guess it's just the kind of thing that sticks with you. Grasping my spoon I began the grizzly task of removing disembowling the pumpkin.
I removed spoonful after spoonful, having to periodically take breaks to suppress the gagging. I could hear Bear crying in the background, saying it wasn't fair. "Haven't you ever had pumpkin pie," I asked her. "Where do you think that comes from?"
I guess being city folk, it takes longer for us to adjust to some of life's truths. I consoled myself with the thought that if this pumpkin were left in the wild, then some other predator would get to it eventually. At least I was being humane.
One I dressed the pumpkin, I searched the carcass for any remaining signs of seeds or those long stringy things that hold the seeds in place. Wiping the exterior with a clean towel, I was ready to begin.
I decided to start with the eyes. Carefully holding my knife, I made the first incision. The pumpkin's skin was no match for my blade. Once I adjusted to the pumpkin's diminuitive size, I learned to control my incisions. I felt like a surgeon. Slowly the eyes took form, then the nose. I was growing impatient, eager to see my creation.
The nose came easily after doing the eyes. It was simply a matter of turning the triangle upside down. The mouth is where I ran into difficulties. Everyone knows that the true Jack-o-lantern has a crooked smile. The only problem was that creating this effect required a multitude of tiny incisions and sharp angles. Go too deep and you will ruin the entire smile, too shallow and you can't remove the piece you just cut. There is no room for error with miniature pumpkins.
I finally completed the smile after two or three minutes of careful carving. I was relieved to be done with this delicate work. Upon completing the incisions, I then cleaned the pumpkin once more.
But before placing a candle inside, there was one last thing that had to be done. I went for the cinnamon. Not many people know this, but by placing a splash of cinnamon on the lid of the pumpkin, you get a true pumpkin pie smell every time you light a candle in it. It's perfect for masking the acrid smell of pumpkin death.
Locating a half burned tea light, I set the miniature jack-o-lantern ablaze.
I had transformed this miniature pumpkin into a miniature jack-o-lantern. It wasn't easy and it will rot long before Halloween comes, but nonetheless, it was worth it. I guess every holiday has its casualties. Afterall, how many midgets die playing elves each December? Now that's something you never hear about...
But best of all, I can now gloat. Bear said that I couldn't carve a miniature pumpkin, but I did. I carved it good.
-Mark
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